The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
