I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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