i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
