I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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