We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
