dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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