Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
