Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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