ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
