Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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