If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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