You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
