Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
