So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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