We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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