i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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