Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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