You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
