I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize