Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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