I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
