We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
