Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
