he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
