Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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