I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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