well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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