my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
