Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
