I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
