can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
