Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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