well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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