I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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