You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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