good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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