once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
