3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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