So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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