Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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