I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
