I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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