I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
