your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
