The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
