it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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