Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
