just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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