Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
