I just saw a hot homeless man
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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