I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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