She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
