I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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