I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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