the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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