awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
