That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize