I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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