I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
