Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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