I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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