you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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