I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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