I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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