What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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