Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
