yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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