Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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