I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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